Saturday, March 26, 2011

Get Your Free Book Trailer Analysis Today

Analysis? Hell, I'm not sure if that's even spelled right. Whatever. You know what I mean. You've spent hours, no, no, weeks working on your book trailer and after all that blood, sweat, and tears, you're not sure if the damn thing is any good. By that I mean: 

Will it really help you to promote and sell your books? Who's to say?

Uh, me? Yes, of course. Who'd you expect, the Count of Montecristo? (Bad reference, I've never even seen that movie.) Never mind. Just point me to the link where I can see your masterpiece so I can have a few laughs. Not at your work, I mean at your concept. It is funny isn't it? (Yes, there's a hint of sarcasm in there somewhere.)

Listen, life's too damn short, baby needs a new pair of booties, and my pig heart valve is about to rupture. Why reinvent the wheel? You've got books to promote don't you? I thought so. Problem is, your marketing materials suck. There it is, I said it. Big deal, you know it's true. You were not born with 25 years of marketing experience and a foul mouth like I was. (Thank you, mother.) Hmm, come to think of it, neither was I. But somehow I got that way.

Okay, enough of that. Let's get to it before my meds wear off and I come to my senses. Where was I? Ahh, your book trailer. Of course. You've come up with a great concept, problem is, it's off the mark. Not quite what you expected, and you know it hasn't done a thing to promote your new book. Why?

Because it lacks emotion.

Emotion? Yeah, that's what has you riled up right about now, wondering who the hell I am and why you're still reading this crap. But rest assured, I've not escaped from the local psycho ward (again) I'm just a marketing cuckoo bird that loves a good challenge. Go ahead, send me your book trailer link and if I can't improve it in any way, I'll send you one million dollars.

You get the idea. No, there's no million dollar prize, (really?) but you can find out if I can help or not. Let me put it this way: If I can't improve your book teaser concept, I'll shut down this annoying blog once and for all. (Wow, just the thought of that sends tingles up my spine. Caribbean breezes, Mojitos, bikini clad Spanish mamitas, hmm, I just might throw the next one.)

This is a good time to email me. I'm busy, but not too busy to take a break and see what you've got.

(I promise to only laugh on the inside.)

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